A bit of this and that...with added frangipani.

Friday, April 9, 2010

My Embarrassing Fart Story

I may live to regret this, but I would like to share with you my most embarrassing moment. It has been 16 years since this happened and I still cringe every time I think about it. It is a story I feel comfortable telling people who know me well, so I have progressed that far. Publishing it on the internet? Well, I don't know about the wisdom in that.

I was prompted to write this when I read The Obnoxious SAHM's post* today. She asks us what we have to say about this taboo subject for women: farting. I don't know why it is such a taboo, because as she says and we all know: everyone does it. But for some reason we feel a need to hide it--some people even manage to hide it from those closest to them. While others are proud of their fluffs, their toots, their flatulence, their cutting of the cheese, their trumpets, their breaking of wind--I could go on. I vacillate between the two: hiding it or flaunting it. I have been known to threaten a repeat performance if my husband makes too much fuss. On the flip side I have also been known to blame the kids. (No D, it wasn't me that day! It really was MasterFour).

So here's my story...

Picture this, it is the era we call B.C. (before children--no religious slight intended, it just sounds better than B.K.--before kids or B.S.--before sprogs) and Will and I are travelling through Bali, and after a few days in Candidasa, we decide to book a fishing trip on an outrigger canoe. "That's all booked for tomorrow. Now let's go for dinner and a few drinks.", we say. Dinner done and with a few beers in the belly, time passes and before we know it, it is quite late and we have only a few hours before our 5 a.m. wake up call from Wayan, the fellow who is taking us out on his boat. We hit the sack for a bit of dreamless slumber.

5 a.m. rolls around all too soon. There is a rap at the door, and my head is pounding. "Whose bright idea was it to book this ruddy fishing trip?" It was mine. "Whose stupid idea was it to have so many beers last night?" It was a mutual agreement. "Who's dumb idea was it to stay up until all hours of the night?" That was me again--they were playing my song...s.

We manage to drag ourselves from our beds and show our teeth to our toothbrushes. We open the door to our bungalow and wouldn't you know it, even the sun had the sense to stay in bed at this horrendous hour! So we make our way in the dark to the waiting canoe. We make it about 50 metres from the shore, bait our hooks (the sun decided to make an appearance by then) and then my seediness from too many beers the night before mingles with my propensity for seasickness, and I spend the rest of the trip with my head over the side of the boat.

Now, you might know that when one is losing one's lunch, or in my case, an unknown quantity of alcohol consumed the night before, one does not have control over...well...anything. So with every heave there is an expelling of foul air out the other end. Whose idea was it to drink those beers again? So, this is how I spent the trip, heaving and trumpetting simultaneously. I think that poor Wayan was about to have an aneurysm trying to hold in his laughter, and I think that to this day, I am probably a favourite story he tells his mates about the silly Canadian woman and her bodily mishaps.

The up side and there always is one--even with this story--is that all the losing of my lunch attracted quite a few fish (I know! Ewwww!), but the only one who caught a fish that day was me, and I consider it a small consolation in view of my mortification with embarrassment that day.

That is my most embarrassing story, and now you have two choices we can talk about farts or your most embarrassing story. What will it be? Or you can just laugh at mine, but I would prefer someone come out on the limb with me...

[*Edited 17 March 2011: Obnoxious has deleted her blog so I can no longer link to it, You'll have to use your imagination.]

34 comments:

  1. Oh wow... I think I'll choose to laugh at yours for now hahahahaha.... funny story btw! So brave of you to publish it on the Internet!

    Btw, found you through Friday Follow and I'm a new follower! Come on over to my blog at http://imafulltimemummy.blogspot.com/

    Would appreciate if you follow me back! :D

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  2. Wow. "You're so brave..." is something you say to someone who just got up to sing a ballad in Karaoke, and really sucked at it.

    What have I done?!

    Thanks for the comment and for following. Will check out your blog too.

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  3. Happy FF! I'm your newest follower! Please follow me too at http://www.mommylivingthelifeofriley.com

    Have a great day!

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  4. Sooo funny!! I love it! I'm an extremely private 'trumpeter' so any time anyone hears me (except my kids) is mortifying for me. ;)

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  5. fabulous fart story!
    I can relate... well sort of, but it involves hurling my guts out in the gutter in the early days of pregnancy while trying not to pee my pants... ok not exactly the same, but kinda similar and embarrassing none the less!

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  6. Here from FF and love your blog!

    Farting in this house is so common place that it's wonder we can control ourselves when in public. How and when did I become this person?????

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  7. That is a brave person to tell that story! LOL...I am a new follower from FF! Have a fantastic weekend!

    http://therempels4.blogspot.com

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  8. Cute Blog AND Story!!!! I’m another new follower! Feel free to check out my blog as well! http://heavenlysavings.blogspot.com
    Happy Friday Follow! Hope to Blog with you again soon!

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  9. Hi! I followed you on Friday Follow. Come visit me.

    I also read the other post by Obnoxious SAHM. This is what I commented on her blog... :)

    Our family (extended, too) is pretty open about farting and burping. We think it is hysterical!

    My husband rips them in bed at night and it sounds like the sheets are being torn in half. LOL

    Another funny one is my 75 yr old MIL was playing the Wii fit bowling and kept farting everytime she bent down to throw the ball. Crack me up!

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  10. Stopping by from FF. I'm your latest follower!

    Visit me at www.everydayphilanthropistblog.com for great ideas and inspiration on giving back!

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  11. You are a brave lady to share that story...lol I am following you from Friday Follow. I hope you follow me back. Have a great week-end!

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  12. Hee hee...sorry. But that's way better than my poop story of the day! Although, I imagine it was extremely mortifying at the time. I probably would've faked unconsciousness or something along those lines... :) But at least the fish loved ya!

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  13. Oh my, that is embarrassing! But a great story to tell none the less!

    Here from follow friday!

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  14. Yes that is embarrasing. Thank you for joining Friday Follow. Glad to have you part of the fun. Rita @ One 2 Try.

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  15. LOL! Thanks for sharing this funny story!!! Your new follower from friday follow! =)

    http://sklub105.blogspot.com

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  16. Oh My,

    That was hilarious!

    I may or may not have farted whilst laughing... I'm just sayin'.


    Found you through OSAHM.

    Come visit!

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  17. Ok, so it's brave and funny--I can work with that. It is actually quite freeing to publish your most embarrassing moment. Because now it isn't as mortifying. I have lived through worse things in my life and lived to tell the tale--only just.

    I want to thank all of you who commented--some went out of their way to comment because I had some issues with my comments not working. Thanks Kate!

    I welcome any new readers. I look forward to reading more from you also.

    Special thanks to those who shared a little of their embarrassing moments. It means a lot that you didn't leave me hanging out there on my own.

    Have a lovely weekend everyone--what's left of it anyway!

    Shelly

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  18. Loved your story!!!
    Following you from Friday Follow!

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  19. Hi -I'm a new follower of you from FF.http://laughingmonkeystick.blogspot.com/For every follower that joins I will be releasing a Unicorn back into the wilds of the New Jersey boardwalk. So please do your part by joining and saving these special creatures. Thanks
    Mr. Monkey

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  20. OH NO! I'm normally not embarassed, but I think that would have left me red somehow.

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  21. I once yakked my way across the Great Barrier Reef, but at least I didn't drink beforehand! At least the water was clear and I had something to look at (fish).

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  22. Hehe. I love fart stories. I truly do. Hehe

    Happy AMB Blog Carnival Day!

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  23. I always love a good fart story, and I'm so impressed to see that you have well over 600 other fart stories linked up ROFL!!

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  24. classic! love the fart story and that you were brave enough to share it - it is out there now, the world knows - relax, release some air while you are at it! Naomi xx

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  25. Veronica: Yup, I was mortified.

    Wanderlust: Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you qualified your statement about what you were looking at!

    Brenda: Thanks for making me feel better about sharing.

    Megan: It has taken me 16 years to get over it!

    Hear Mum Roar: No, I am pretty sure that out of those 600 links, mine was the only fart story. That was just a follow friday link up.

    Naomi: Yes, it is indeed therapeutic to just put it out there.

    Be a Fun Mum: At least it made a good laugh for a few people--my embarrassment served a purpose. ;)

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  26. Next time I go fishing I am taking you along for burley! Yep, I Googled "Embarrassing Fart Stories"!

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  27. If if makes you feel any better, there is a running joke in my husband's family that his mother blew up a Howard Johnson restaurant with her fart. To explain...
    They were there one evening and it's the kind of place that has booths with vinyl seats. Well, my MIL let one rip in there that just echoed off the seat and smelled something awful.
    The next day, by sheer coincidence, the place burned down. And that, is why they say my MIL blew up a HoJo.
    found you via the Weekend Rewind. :-)

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  28. Thanks Saucy B! Your story actually DOES make me feel better. Thanks for sharing, it has made my day--still smiling!

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  29. Oh, that's really funny and well told! I laughed aloud!

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  30. Oh my God I am in stitches. You poor thing but how friggin hilarious. Thank you so much for sending me the link to this :) xx

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