On Tuesday, it was an anniversary for Will and me. It marked 19 years since the day we met.
So with my many years' experience, I thought I would share with you some tips on how to cope*:
1) Never go to bed at the same time. Will is a night owl and I am not, so this part was easy. Although at first, I was disappointed that there would never be the 'falling asleep in each other's arms' that you always see in movies. Now, I don't mind, because I came to realise that I really like my own space when I am sleeping.
If you happen to wake up sometime after your spouse has come to bed and the snoring is getting to you, the following are a few things you can do (or avoid) to help:
2) Get your spouse to roll over. When Will's on his side facing away from me, the snoring stops or at least seems quieter. He's so used to me poking him in the ribs to get him to roll on his side, that he doesn't even seem to wake up. Although, there is a distinct impression in his rib area from 19 years of poking.
3) Do the bed jiggle. By jiggling the bed ever so slightly, it wakes him up enough that he stops snoring for a little while so that I can get back to sleep before the snoring begins again. There is an art to the bed jiggle. It involves moving in the bed as if I am having some sort of fit. I make sure I do this only for a couple of seconds or I might risk waking him up fully or doing myself some damage.
4) Don't stuff tampons up his/her nose. Although I haven't attempted this personally, I have read somewhere that a woman tried this to stop her husband from snoring, and tragically it killed him. (This has just got to be an urban myth)
5) Don't wear earplugs. Although a tempting strategy, with children in the house, I never resorted to this. I always wanted to be able to hear if the kids cried out. And for those without children, it would be good to be able to hear the smoke alarm if it went off.
6) Sleep in another room. When things get particularly bad, I sometimes will crawl in with one of the kids and risk being injured by their flailing arms and legs, or I sleep on the couch or in the spare room.
7) Get your spouse to sleep in another room. This is not ideal, because then you become one of 'those' couples you see in the movies where their relationship is so cold and distant that they sleep in separate rooms. For us, this actually happens but not by design. Will often falls asleep wherever he is (it could be due to sleep deprivation from all the poking and jiggling going on when he does come to bed--did I just say that?) and will wake up on the couch in front of TV or in the spare room in front of the computer. Then he comes to bed for the hour or so before his alarm goes off. To be honest, I have woken up to get a glass of water and found Will sleeping where he lay, and simply turned off the computer or the TV and let him sleep. Our couch is comfy and the spare bed is too, and leaving him there means we both get some sleep.
8) Don't waste money on snoring relief products. I know one of them requires the snorer to have the forethought to spray something up his nose half an hour before going to sleep. Will can't even get himself to bed, let alone anticipate sleep half an hour before it happens.
If after trying all these strategies, you still can't sleep:
9) Get up and cut your losses. Stop trying to get some sleep and do something constructive with your time. For example, I wrote most of this blog post at 4:30 this morning after trying unsuccessfully to sleep through Will's snoring.
And if your spouse doesn't believe s/he snores:
10) Don't bother recording the event to provide evidence of the snoring. I tried this one time, and Will's response was that the recording could have been made of anyone's snoring not necessarily his--like I have access to so many other people when they're sleeping.
*Don't worry, I have sought Will's permission to share these with you, and he's fine with it, because you know, he doesn't snore. Houseguests and family members will corroborate my story, but he still doesn't believe that he snores.
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