- Move Slowly - When your mum is in a hurry, and you can tell this because the nagging becomes more frequent, make sure to choose that time to do everything at a glacial pace. She will do her Sergeant Major impression and say, "Move it, move it, move it!", which is quite amusing. If you've really got her going, she may even do lots of your jobs FOR you. So you get an entertaining sideshow AND your chores get done.
- Ask For Help - When you are supposed to be tying your shoe laces, which of course you've been doing since you were five, make sure to ask for help. She loves helping, especially with things you already know how to do.
- Choo-ing is for Trains - When you are eating, be sure to fill your mouth to the brim, and then swallow after two chews. You'll be treated with the lecture that never gets old, about how not chewing your food is bad for your digestion, yada, yada, yada.
- Ask Lots of Questions - Questions! Mums love questions, especially ones about religion, why the sky is blue, and "what do they mean on that billboard when they ask you if you want to last longer?". Also it's best to ask your questions when Mum is really busy or when you are supposed to be doing your homework.
- Be a Food Critic - Whenever Mum is cooking dinner, be sure to come to her while she is assembling something particularly tricky, ask her what's for dinner, and when she answers, wrinkle up your nose, make a sour face and ask for two-minute noodles instead.
- War With Your Brother - Every possible opportunity, poke your brother, do your karate moves on him and make him do the horrible whine that Mum hates so much. She'll go off, stamping her foot, yanking out her hair and she'll hide in her bedroom. Then you can play as much Wii as you'd like.
- Be a Wii Brain - Pepper all your conversation with references to Super Mario Galaxy II, so she knows just how much of a Wii brain you've become. She loves the feeling of inadequacy she gets when she realises that you've been having too much screen time.
- Give Her More Exercise - When you go out for a long walk and Mum tells you to take your scooter so your legs won't get tired, insist on bringing your skateboard instead and then get her to pull you the entire way. She's really into fitness these days; she'll love that.
- Lull Her Into a False Sense of Security - It's important to remember though that when Mum gets that glazed look in her eye and is sitting in the corner curled up in a ball, just rocking back and forth, it's time to do something like emptying the dishwasher without being asked or getting ready for school without any fuss. That way she'll be lulled into a false sense of security and made to feel like she's not such a bad parent. Then she'll be primed and ready for your amusement next time. After all, you don't want to break her.
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